From mechanic to minister
As I sit down to write this article each month, it ends up being my chance to reflect on where I am at in life, and even to assess the state of my overall mental health. Now some might be surprised that a pastor has concerns, doubts and troubling thoughts just like everyone else. But the fact is that we are all made of the same stuff. We are all born into sin, all are prone to making mistakes. So it seems that we will be forced to struggle with the effects of this lower nature until the time we eventually pass from this life.
Though truthfully, I think being expected to write a message each week has probably helped me more than any other kind of therapy ever could. Iit’s when I have the chance to look deep into God’s Word and then hold it up as a mirror - and start to see my self as I really am - and that’s often where the trouble begins.
Now as a motorcycle mechanic, I took a great deal of pride in what I did. And while personal pride is often frowned upon in Chrisitian circles, the quality of my work came as a result of doing the needed research, taking the time, being more careful than most of my peers, and putting in the extra effort required to make sure things came out just so.
It was also a job I could do with a high degree of precision - no matter my personal state. As long as I could drag myself through the door of the shop, I could generally find refuge, distraction, and even a certain degree of solace there. You see, machines tend to bow to the laws of math and physics, which means that as long as you push the right buttons and follow the right procedures - and do everything in the proper sequence - you usually get the desired result. It’s where I found my comfort, satisfaction and fulfillment.
Today, I suppose a person could well lsay that my main product is words; long rows of words, carefully selected and strung together into sentences and paragraphs and chapters, all with the goal of bringing honor and glory to our incomparable Lord and Savior. And this is where the problem lies.
See, I doubt my ability to express myself clearly enough to explain just how good and righteous and perfect our God really is. I fear that I may never have the vocabulary - or the metal acuity required -to express His holiness to the people who need to hear His message the most.
It is not small responsibility being the messenger for the King. It makes me wonder how I ever ended up with this lofty position. My gravest fear is that a person will look at me, recognize who I truly am, and turn their back on the church as a result.
All that said, it seems that our church is growing - and growing stronger all the time. So without claiming any of the credit, all I can do is sit back and be amazed as God works His miracles.
Go with God,
Pastor Ed